Anchors Aweigh!!!

I got my call from Andrew tonight at about 23:30. I can't wait for the next two monthes to pass so I can see him again. When he ran from the bus with open arms to give me a hug today, I could see him as a little boy again. I didn't want to let him go, and I knew that I had to. My emotions are so mixed up right now. I really can't explain the pride that I have knowing that my son is serving in the United States Navy, but I also can't express the pain that I feel knowing that he won't come walking in the door anymore.

Lucie wanted to get all gung ho on cleaning out his room this evening, and I just couldn't handle it. We did a little work on it, but it just seems so final to put away his things. I will be doing all of his dirty laundry over the next couple of days, and he won't be here to wear it. 18 years is not enough time to spend with your child. I so hope that some day he will be close to me again. I don't know if he will ever live here in Texas with me, but I hope so.

It was very hard walking back to the parked car with the kids. Sadie just kept telling us that we just have to forget about Andrew now. Lucie was crying about how "he was a good brother... why did we have to get rid of him?" I am not exactly sure what is going on with Ben. He is really quiet about it. I can tell that he is very sad. He found a bunch of Yugio cards that Andrew had told him he could have. I have already been watching him just look through them like they are the greatest treasure a boy could ever have. I am glad that Andrew did that for him. I am sure that Ben will treasure those for a very long time, if not forever. Every bus that passed us was Andrew, and the girls stopped to wave. I can remember thinking that about planes for the longest time after my Uncle Ricky joined the Navy. I was about Sadie's age then, I believe.

I leave this blog with the last picture that I have of Andrew and myself together before he left. I wish that someone had taken one of him hugging me before he left, but I was probably holding the camera. Please remember him and all of the women and men that serve in our military in your thoughts and prayers. I know that he is anxious to see his 2 buddies from school that left for basic earlier this week, and there is another one of his friends leaving next Monday.

Military blahs...

I just have to say that when I was 20 years old, I watched my husband march away to go to war, and I never thought that anything could be worse than that. I was pregnant at the time, and I felt like I was just left with a hole in my heart. Today I watched the same child that I was pregnant with at that time get on a bus to move to Chicago and go to basic training. I think that over all I feel worse than when his dad left for Iraq. I just know that I have already done everything that I could for him in the last 18 years, and now I worry that it wasn't enough. Oh well...

Here is Andrew's "happy song" that he spent the last 2 monthes driving me nutso with....

Time for bed...

I wish that there were some eloquent way for me to put into words the things that I would like to say right now. All I can say is that I keep laying down and thinking that if my baby went in tomorrow and said that he didn't want to be in the Navy, it would not break my heart. I have asked questions like I wonder if Sadie will even really remember Andrew living in the house with her. Ben has cried, and then been very relieved to find the old Yugio cards. I keep trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I actually encouraged him to go into the Navy. I am really jealous of all of the other families that have the summer with their children after graduation. I wish that he was just going to college in the fall. I wish that I could go to bed tonight and know when my son might come home again, and if he ever will. I don't like the fact that I will not know where he is all of the time anymore. I know that the only important thing is that the Lord will know where he is, but it breaks my heart to know that I won't be able to just go to him if I want to. I also have to say that I am extremely proud of him. I am excited for him and all of the opportunities that he is going to have in the Navy. I am really jealous of the fact that he will be able to travel all over the world. I guess I will try to go to bed. I know that I get to see him as my baby just one more time tomorrow morning. A good night's sleep would do me good.